No time for intro's, yes I'm back online, no I will not be answering your messages or deviations or journals, or anything else you might try to send me. Right now is not a good time.

For anyone with a brain who has realized I'm not mentally okay, points for you, but not a lot seeing as it's obvious. And there's been a lot of problems going on with that as I seek help, some of which is actually helpful, while most of it is hurtful and only makes me feel worse.

Then I find out my best friend is moving across the whole damn country and I'd only be able to see her every once and a while, this is not okay with me! Not only is she my best friend but also my ticket to a bright shiny future! But no, not for me! I'm not allowed to have people stick with me! That would be a violation of the code to keep me utterly miserable!

Coupled with the fact that my favorite author has Alzheimer so will probably never continue my favorite book series.

As well as a lot of important people dying. Screw all you Micheal Jackson haters! I cried when I found out he was dead!

Oh, and get this, the place I worked burned down! [[This is a note from Echidna the editor, the place didn't ACTUALLY burn to the ground, but there is a big hole in the roof now so...still it sucks]]


But now guess what, no just guess! Ryan Ross and Jon Walker are leaving Panic At The Disco. I mean really! Come on! All my life I've turned to music as a support! It's my crutch! It has helped me and saved my life time and time again and one of the bands I turn to the most is Panic At The Disco! Their music has been so important to me! It's influenced me in so many ways, but now my heart is broken, and I won't be able to hear a song by them without feeling this feeling of misery. This betrayal.


Right now I just feel like my heart has been broken so many times in the matter of a few months that it's no longer in existence. It was stolen away in the night. Or early morning....


Apparently there are five stages of grief, let me recap my current feelings in reflection.

Denial- No way, this has to just be an internet rumor, after all how many times has Pete Wentz died online?

Anger- Dammit! Someone get me a burlap sack I'm going to drag Ryan Ross's scrawny ass back and beat Jon Walker until he follows.

Bargaining- Pweeze don't let Panic break up! Please!

Depression- I hate this! Why! Screw it I'm going to beat them until they are happy again! (now some might think this is anger, but it's just how I express my sadness)

Acceptance- (I have not reached this stage and I doubt I ever will, ever. I don't deal with change well, and I'm stubborn as a mule....it's a bad combination. But most things about me are)

I'm worn out and heartbroken, and so sick of all the crap that's been happening to me recently. So I probably won't be online for I shall be retiring to the deep recesses of my mind where it's safer.

In case your wondering just so you know, right now I'm too depressed to shower.

As a last thought before I leave again here are some lyrics that are just obscure enough to fool you.

Bye bye Miss American Pie,
Drove my Chevy to the levy,
but the levy was dry,
Them good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye,
singing 'This'll be the day that I die'